Befriending Imposter Syndrome
Practical Tips to Address Anxiety, Masking, & Imposter Syndrome
Have you ever felt like you’re playing a role, masking your true self to blend in or meet external expectations? Or perhaps you’ve experienced a haunting feeling that you don’t quite belong, fearing that one day, everyone will discover you’re not as competent as they think. If these feelings resonate with you, you’re not alone. In the world we navigate, the concepts of ‘masking’ and ‘imposter syndrome’ are more common than you might think, and understanding them can be the first step towards self-acceptance and genuine confidence.
Feeling out of place or like we’re perpetually wearing a mask isn’t unique, but for many neurodivergent folks like me, the mask feels more permanent. It’s a strategy many of us employ, often subconsciously, where we suppress our honest thoughts, feelings, or traits and adopt a persona that we believe is more acceptable or appealing to others. From changing how we talk to downplaying our accomplishments to hiding our hobbies or special interests - we put on a mask to fit into specific professional, social, or cultural brackets. While it’s a natural part of human behavior to adapt and connect with others, excessive masking can lead to feelings of isolation, anxiety, and a disconnection from our true selves.
Add imposter syndrome to the mix, and we have a recipe for doubting every step we take and every word we say. We’re worried it’ll reveal the ‘fraud’ we believe ourselves to be. Impostor syndrome is a sneaky guest in many people’s minds. It’s like an unwelcomed party crasher at the success fest, whispering doubts and fears into our ears. It doesn’t discriminate; it visits the successful, the ambitious, the perfectionists among us. That voice inside your head says, ‘You just got lucky this time’ or ‘Surely, they’re going to find out you’re not as good as they think you are.’ It can feel isolating like we’re the only ones struggling with this secret, but let me assure you, it’s a crowded room. Many of us fear being ‘found out’ despite external evidence of our competencies.
The overlap between masking and imposter syndrome is quite natural. Masking can sometimes fuel the fires of imposter syndrome—the more we hide our true selves, the more we might feel like an imposter, perpetuating a cycle of doubt and self-deception. Recognizing these patterns is crucial. It’s like shining a light on the ghosts of our insecurities and realizing they’re not as intimidating once we face them head-on.
Dealing with Imposter Syndrome
First, let’s address the elephant in the room: imposter syndrome doesn’t discriminate and can affect anyone, regardless of our accomplishments or social standing. For neurodivergents, our unique ways of processing and interacting with the world can sometimes amplify these feelings. So, the initial step to combating this is acknowledgment. Recognize and acknowledge that feeling like an imposter is a shared experience that does not diminish our successes or worth.
Communication is crucial, and sharing our feelings with trustworthy people can help. Whether it’s a friend, family member, coach, or therapist, discussing our inadequacy can provide relief and offer perspectives we hadn’t considered. Remember, choosing who you open up to is essential, as you want this to be a safe and supportive experience. There’s power in vulnerability, sharing our stories, and discovering we’re not alone in our feelings. Building a supportive community where openness and authenticity are valued can help dismantle the walls we’ve built around our true selves. If we’re not ready to open up to another person, remember that we can also journal our experiences; reflective journaling can be quite therapeutic. I do this daily with both a morning and evening reflective journal entry. Sometimes, I also journal in between if I have something important to process.
Setting realistic and clear goals can also help overcome imposter syndrome. Many neurodivergents have keen attention to detail and a high level of dedication—qualities that, when channeled correctly, can lead to remarkable achievements. However, setting unattainable or vague goals can feed into the cycle of feeling like an imposter. Break objectives into manageable, realistic tasks, and celebrate each victory, no matter how small.
Another powerful tool is reframing our thoughts. Each time imposter syndrome whispers doubts into your ear, challenge them. Ask yourself, ‘Is this thought based on facts or just my perception?’ More often than not, these feelings do not reflect reality. Keeping a ‘success journal’ where you jot down your achievements, positive feedback, and things you’re proud of can be a tangible reminder of your worth and achievements.
Lastly, embrace your unique perspective. Neurodivergent people see the world distinctively, bringing insights and innovations that others might overlook. Instead of viewing our differences as a source of inadequacy, we see them as our talent or gift. The traits that make us feel like outsiders often enable us to contribute uniquely to the world around us.
The Fuel that Keeps Doubt Going
Anxiety is the fuel that keeps the engine of doubt running. It whispers insecurities into your ear in moments of both triumph and defeat. This trifecta of imposter syndrome, anxiety, and neurodivergence can feel like being in a boat with holes; we’re trying to keep afloat, making impromptu fixes, but the water keeps coming in. The anxiety intensifies in social situations or when we’re required to step out of our routine, areas where many of us struggle.
But here’s the twist—amidst the chaos, there’s beauty within this intersection. The impromptu moments, the unplanned victories, bring a glimmer of hope. For example, when a conversation flows naturally, a project is praised, or you make it through the day without feeling completely overwhelmed. These moments are tiny victories, sparks that light the way, showing that perhaps we’re more competent than we give ourselves credit for.
Navigating this intersection is about more than finding a one-size-fits-all solution or pretending the difficulties don’t exist. It’s about recognizing our strengths amidst the struggle and understanding that it’s okay not to have all the answers. The process of self-discovery, self-awareness, and self-compassion can lead us to find the appropriate solutions for us.
Living at the intersection of imposter syndrome, anxiety, and neurodivergence is undeniably challenging. But it’s also a unique viewpoint—a perspective that, when embraced, can open up a world of empathy, creativity, and resilience.
Takeaways
Life is a journey of self-discovery and acceptance. We may feel like impostors at times, but it’s perfectly okay. Acknowledging our tendency to mask and confront our imposter syndrome is just recognizing our human complexity. When we embrace all our facets, flaws, and uniqueness, we create an opportunity for self-acceptance and self-love, an environment where we can thrive.
If you are a neurodivergent dealing with imposter syndrome, masking, and anxiety, remember that you are not alone. Your journey and perspective are invaluable; you should never let anxiety or imposter syndrome convince you otherwise.
Have you dealt with imposter syndrome? What strategies worked for you? Leave a comment and let us know. Please like, share, and subscribe if you find this article helpful.
About David Rich Sol:
As a child, I wished to exchange my brain for someone else’s. Growing up, I felt misunderstood and lonely. If only I could have received my confirmation of neurodivergence when I was a child, I could have avoided some trauma and emotional pain.
Now, as a late-discovered (and diagnosed) Autistic ADHDer, everything is finally making more sense, and I’m rediscovering and loving myself. I spent many years figuring out “what’s wrong with me,” only to discover nothing was “wrong with me.” I’m just not neurotypical (that is, I’m neurodivergent). Not better, not worse—just different.
My intent with Courage To Love Yourself is to rewrite and share my story and insights and help others better understand and accept themselves. I hope you learn to love and accept yourself to live a healthy, happy, and joy-filled life.
Check out my website: https://couragetoloveyourself.com.