Reflections on a Month in Madrid
A Journey of Self-Discovery and Growth
As I sit here in Madrid, reflecting on the past month since my arrival, I’m struck by the profound transformation and growth I’ve experienced. This journey has not been a vacation but an opportunity to live in a new place while maintaining my daily responsibilities and supporting my daughter and her education. The transition has been challenging and rewarding, offering numerous opportunities for personal exploration and development.
From Exploring the City to Growing Internally
When I first arrived, I was filled with nervousness and excitement. The prospect of spending an extended period in a foreign country was daunting, but I was eager to embrace the experience. In the initial weeks, I became a tourist in my free time, exploring Madrid and Spain’s rich history and culture. I visited numerous sites, went on excursions, and immersed myself in the vibrant atmosphere of this old city and country.
However, as the weeks progressed, I settled into a different rhythm. The initial urge to constantly explore and discover new places began to wane, replaced by a desire to be more present in my surroundings and to enjoy the everyday aspects of life in Madrid. This shift has been particularly noticeable in the past week, as I’ve found contentment in simply being here rather than constantly seeking new experiences.
One of the most significant aspects of my time here has been deepening my spiritual connection. Places like the crypt under the cathedral in Madrid have become sanctuaries for me, offering solace, peace, and a sense of community even in solitude. These spaces have allowed me to reconnect with a more profound, palpable experience of spirituality I had neglected for some time. It’s not just about thinking about spirituality but genuinely feeling and experiencing the inner depths of my beingness and the divine within myself. That is, moving from the head into the heart.
I recently discovered a contemplative, meditative practice that has become a daily ritual. Despite the challenges it presents, especially for someone who has struggled with distractibility and stillness, it has been incredibly enriching. The combination of stilling my body, focusing on my breath, and repeating an ancient mantra has provided a recipe for emptying my mind and connecting with my inner self and the divine essence at the core of this silence. The tranquility and peace I’ve found through this practice have been profound, allowing me to settle more deeply into myself and explore new aspects of my being. Ironically, even though I practice my contemplative meditation alone, it has also helped me to feel a part of a greater community with other meditators around the globe, whether part of my spiritual tradition or any other spiritual or religious tradition. I’ve always been a mystic and contemplative at heart, and I’m now fully embracing this part of myself. I’ll share more about this when I’m ready in a separate article.
Pushing My Comfort Zone
My time in Madrid has also pushed me out of my comfort zone in various ways. For the past two weeks, I’ve been taking Spanish language classes, which initially filled me with apprehension. As someone who has always strived for perfection and avoided standing out, it’s been humbling to be a student again, making mistakes and learning something new. This experience has been precious in challenging my ego and allowing me to embrace the role of a learner rather than always being the teacher.
A significant milestone was my solo trip to the post office, where I had to communicate entirely in Spanish with a clerk who didn’t speak English. While I felt challenged and extremely nervous, the experience was incredibly empowering. It showed me that I could communicate in a different language, even if imperfect, and reinforced the idea that anything is possible if I set myself up for success. By the way, because I’ve been used to pre-scripting monologues/dialogues for so many decades, I used this skill to practice my Spanish before I arrived at the Correos (post office). And it worked for the most part. Where we both struggled to communicate with words, we just laughed and tried a different way to work together in completing the transaction. In the end, we had a lovely, light-hearted interaction. I sent out my mailings, and I learned something about myself.
Solo Trip to Alicante
Perhaps the most daunting challenge I set for myself was a solo trip from Madrid to Alicante on the eastern coast of Spain. This journey required me to navigate public transportation, communicate in Spanish, and manage all aspects of the trip independently. While it might seem trivial for an adult to travel alone, doing so in a foreign country and using a new language was a significant accomplishment for me. The experience was rewarding and tremendously boosted my self-esteem and confidence.
Alicante itself was a joy to explore. The Mediterranean’s warmth, rich history, and the simple pleasures of listening to the sea, smelling the salty air, and exploring the city alone all contributed to a sense of childlike wonder and excitement. Successfully navigating the return trip to Madrid further reinforced my growing understanding of my capability and independence, which boosted my self-confidence.
Rediscovering Myself
As I reflect on this past month, I’m struck by how this experience has allowed me to step out of my shell and rediscover myself. I’ve realized I have much more agency and power than I often give myself credit for. This journey has been about renewing my sense of self as a human and divine being in this vast universe.
In many ways, this experience reminds me of when I first went away to university at the age of 18, yet it’s profoundly different. While both involved moving to a new environment and living away from home, my time in Madrid has been marked by a lack of need to prove myself or fit in. Here, I’m nobody special – just a guest – and anonymity has been liberating. It’s allowed me to let go of pretenses and be myself, especially in a place where I’m not fluent in the primary language. I’m viewed as just another tourist or temporary guest. Which, not to get too philosophical, but isn’t our time anywhere on this planet only as temporary guests? Nobody truly owns any of this, as we can’t take it with us when we shed this body and go back to the ground and return to our source.
The journey to Spain has encouraged me to look inward rather than focus on outward appearances or impressions. It’s been a month of growth, challenge, and self-discovery. As I look forward to the remainder of my time here, I’m filled with gratitude for this blessed privilege and excited about the continued opportunities for personal development and exploration that Madrid offers.