The Power Within
My Introduction and Journey with IFS
Have you ever felt like there are different parts of yourself, each with its voice and agenda? I recently embarked on an intriguing journey of self-discovery through Internal Family Systems (IFS), and I’m excited to share my experience with you.
For years, I had heard about IFS from my wife, a therapist who studied with its creator, Dr. Richard Schwartz. I even tried working with an IFS therapist nearly 20 years ago, but I wasn’t ready to dive deep into the process. Life’s interesting; we often encounter powerful tools before we are truly prepared to use them.
Fast-forward to a few weeks ago, when I rediscovered IFS and learned about its applications beyond traditional therapy. Life coaches, spiritual directors, and individuals practicing self-directed IFS have recently used this model to facilitate healing and personal growth. This new perspective reignited my interest and excitement.
As I began to explore self-directed IFS through journaling and meditation, I started to view my mind through a new lens. I recognized the multiplicity within—an internal family of parts, each with distinct feelings, beliefs, and experiences. I realized that these parts had taken on roles to protect me, keep me safe, and help me navigate daily life.
This shift in perspective has been incredibly refreshing. For the first time in a long while, I’ve been able to be present with the emotions my parts have been holding onto. It feels as if I’ve unlocked a door to a room full of hidden treasures and challenges, all waiting to be explored.
I won’t sugarcoat it—there’s a lot of work ahead. Healing and personal growth are ongoing processes. But here’s the encouraging part: I feel hopeful. This tool has given me a tangible way to approach my inner world, communicate with different aspects of myself, and work toward unburdening and “unblending” my parts from my core Self to be more Self-directed.
We know we are more Self-directed or experiencing Self-energy when we experience any of the eight C’s of IFS.
The eight C’s of Internal Family Systems (IFS) are:
Calmness: Feeling centered and peaceful, even when things are difficult.
Clarity: The ability to perceive situations accurately and objectively without being distorted by emotions or beliefs.
Compassion: Being kind and understanding, especially towards your feelings such as sadness or hurt.
Confidence: Having self-worth and believing in ourselves.
Creativity: Having a spark of new insights and ideas, feeling energized, awake, and alive with possibilities.
Curiosity: A strong desire to learn new things and to understand people and situations without judgment.
Courage: Bravely facing ourselves and our challenges.
Connectedness: Feeling connected to ourselves and the world around us.
I want to experience Self-energy continually, so the heavy lifting of internal work is worth it.
For example, recently, I had intense fear come up for me. In the past, I could have been swept away by these feelings and felt overwhelmed. At that moment, I told myself, “Oh, it’s just a part of me that feels this way.” Then, I became curious because I understood that different parts of me may hold onto different feelings and emotions. Instead of reacting from the space of fear, I paused for a moment and considered “who is experiencing fear right now.” That is, which part of me is afraid? Just the simple recognition that the emotion was coming from a part of me, not the entirety of me, helped me lessen the intensity of that emotion. I felt compassion for that part of myself that was feeling the fear. I stayed with the part and “held” it in my heart like I would someone I love or care about. Because that part felt “seen” and “heard,” the intense emotional state changed and transformed from fear to love and compassion for myself in a few moments. This is the power of IFS.
In this article, I’ll explain IFS and encourage you to consider it an additional tool on your healing journey.
Remember, the power to change and grow has always been within you. Sometimes, we need the right tools to access it. Here’s to the journey of self-discovery and the courage to look within!
What is Internal Family Systems (IFS)?
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapeutic approach that has gained significant attention recently because of its unique perspective on the human psyche and its effectiveness in addressing various personal growth and mental health issues and challenges. Developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz in the 1980s, this model views the mind as inherently multiple, composed of subpersonalities or “parts.”
At the core of IFS is the belief that we all possess an undamaged, wise Self that represents our true essence. Surrounding this Self are parts that have taken on extreme roles to protect us from pain or trauma. These parts generally fall into three categories: “managers” (who try to keep us functioning and safe), “exiles” (who carry trauma and emotional pain), and “firefighters” (who attempt to distract us from pain through potentially harmful behaviors).
The application of IFS can be compelling for neurodivergent and traumatized individuals. Many of us may experience a sense of fragmentation or internal conflict, which aligns well with the IFS model. This parts-based approach can assist us in understanding and integrating our various aspects, especially those related to neurodivergence or trauma.
One key benefit of using IFS is its non-pathologizing nature. Rather than viewing neurodivergence as a disorder to be fixed, IFS encourages individuals to understand and appreciate the roles that different parts of themselves play. This perspective can be especially valuable for those of us who may have internalized negative messages about our neurodivergence throughout our lives.
Moreover, IFS can aid us in navigating the complexities of social interactions and emotional regulation. Many neurodivergents (like me) struggle with identifying and expressing emotions (aka, Alexithymia), and IFS can provide a concrete framework for comprehending and connecting with these internal experiences. By identifying and dialoguing with our different parts, we can gain deeper insights into our emotional landscape and develop more effective coping strategies.
The concept of “unblending” in IFS, which involves separating the core Self from its various parts, can be particularly beneficial for those who may experience intense emotions or rigid thinking patterns. This process can help us cultivate more flexibility and resilience in challenging situations.
Additionally, IFS can address the trauma many neurodivergent individuals endure due to bullying, social exclusion, or misunderstanding. IFS’s gentle, compassionate approach facilitates healing these wounded parts without introducing further trauma.
IFS can help individuals understand the various aspects of their neurodivergence and how these interact with their overall psychological makeup. For instance, an ADHD person might work with parts that drive impulsivity or inattention, learning to balance these with other aspects of their personality.
By offering a non-pathologizing, compassionate approach to understanding the mind, IFS has the potential to empower neurodivergent individuals. It can help us integrate our experiences, heal from trauma, and cultivate greater self-understanding and self-acceptance. As we explore this therapeutic framework, we may uncover new ways to support our mental health and well-being, celebrating our unique perspectives and contributions to our diverse human tapestry.
Reflective Questions to Consider
Take a few moments to consider these reflective questions for yourself:
Have you ever explored IFS or similar therapeutic approaches? If so, what was your experience?
How do you view having multiple “parts” within yourself? Does this resonate with your own experiences?
Can you identify any “parts” of yourself with specific roles or jobs?
What barriers, if any, have prevented you from engaging in deep internal work in the past?
How might viewing your mind as a system of parts change your approach to self-understanding and healing?
Are there any aspects of your life where you need more time to do the necessary work? What might help you become ready?
How do you feel about self-directed therapeutic work, such as journaling or meditation?
In what ways might IFS be particularly relevant or helpful for neurodivergent individuals?
How does the concept of IFS align with or differ from your current understanding of mental health and personal growth?
If you’re interested, what steps might you take to explore IFS or similar approaches in your own life?